The 50-50 Decision

My Australian cousin, Melissa sent me this in Facebook yesterday.

aw noo i heardd ):

i hope your family member is doing okaayy..

praypraypray yeah ? :)

all the pretty beaches are waiting for you to take their photos!

And that made me rethink my destiny. 

I have chances to photoshoot in the 2 occasions - spending Chinese New Year in Sydney or just doing it traditionally here. The difference is, Cayenne, Guojun and maybe Fadhlan will not be here. Guojun and Fadhlan are my usual partner in crime for open houses. Without them, I'll be lost for the open houses.

Meanwhile, the Sydney trip would mean leaving my yearly routine and to stay in a strange area for 1 month. That sounds fun, but I might doubt some boundaries faced right there.

Oh ya, it's been exactly a week I did not touch my camera again. Dammit, I have no where even for scenery shoots.

Arggh! This is supposed to be a photoblog. Now, it returns to its original form as a text blog about life. Looks like I have to abandon the proposal of making this page a one-column site for now.

I hate it when I can't do the things that I want.

This Holidays is Screwed

Lord, please let them know that I'm trying to find my identity as I will be ready to enter the society within 2 years. Speak to them so that they can understand what I feel, as I cannot find the right words to argue for my rights to be myself and how I want to live my life. Bless us, Lord. Let them understand me. 


In Christ's name I pray, Amen.

Oh ya, my chances to go to Sydney is likely to be cancelled. But, it's alright, I still got chance to join in the CNY reunion. Too bad Yen Ching has to celebrate hers in West Malaysia. I understand the reason why we are unable to go (I won't share it here), but what makes me frustrated is we missed 2 opportunities to go there already. WTH.

My photography project, meanwhile, though under sketches of plannings, is already been affected by the crisis. I don't want to spend my holidays 100% at home. I don't want to live such a lifeless holiday. Please larr, let me get connected with my companions and the outside world more often. Please don't spoil me and drain my profound identity away.

Damn, I felt du lan.

You Just Imagine...

Put yourself into my shoes and imagine....

When everything doesn't goes according to what you want?

When everything that is vital happens to be at the wrong time.

When unexpected stuffs emerged from the midst of nowhere.

When you begin to be bounded by stuffs that slowly drains you and yourself

And worse, 

When your closest companions are far away from you.

One word. FML. 

Now I understand why people complain about their lives whenever something goes terribly bad, as I don't really like to rant. Whenever this happen, how will you manage to go through it? Prayer is not enough. You need actions. Yet, both elements aren't enough when there's no miracles.