Do Click Whenever There's Ads :)

Monday, July 12, 2010

An Interview With Paul the Psychic Octopus

This is a random post I thought after the Spain World Cup victory. Just imagine in Sea Life Centre, Germany, there is a press conference happening and Paul's aquarium is pulled out for journalists to be interviewed. This is the (informal)transcript. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Pulpo Paul, or Paul the Octopus. 

Question: First of all, congratulations for the 100% accuracy of your forecast in this World Cup. How have you been throughout this game? You have already gained huge publicity for being so accurate in your football predictions.

Paul: I'm fine, thank you. However, I don't feel proud to be under this kind of situation. It's NOT comfortable, you know to have so many of you humans flashing and viewing at me while I'm enjoying my meal. It's impolite, and yes, YOU'RE VIOLATING MY PRIVACY!

Question: Can you share to us on how you managed to predict such accurate forecasts on the matches you claimed in the World Cup and EURO 2008?

Paul: I don't actually understand myself on how I managed to do so. Perhaps I'd been growing up with my master who is a football fanatic that always talks and rants about this game called "football". Next thing I know, everytime he feeds me, I can see visions of some humans, especially those in white clothings and black shorts (the German jersey?) chasing some balls around in a green field with some random men in another clothing. Whenever they kick that ball into one giant net, they just run hysterically, as if they are running for their lives or something. But strange, they seem to be happy about it. 

Question: So that is why you managed to do so. We wanted to interview you after you predicted the Germany-England match, but too bad you're busy and your owner wants you to rest. And you decided very quickly on it. Any comments?

Paul: You know that I was born in England and I was brought up in Germany. Kinda dilemma on that, but let's take emotions aside. I saw visions of a red-shirt guy feeling frustrated even though he managed to kick that bloody ball into the big net (possibly referring to Frank Lampard's disallowed goal). That's strange, and I guess that makes me feel that they are losing. And by the way, I was very hungry that time. That is why I quickly rushed into that box for the meal. 

Question: And later on you predicted another German win against Argentina. Don't you know that Argentina is a more renowned team in the game?

Paul: I have no idea whose who in that bloody game. I saw a similar story like the one with the red shirt. Some blue stripes men were at first so happy about the their success on putting the ball on the net and then got sad about it. Sounds like a heartbreak for the one in blue. So, I guess that tells me to eat from the one with the German flag. 

Question: After these 2 latest forecasts, you begin looking at this country called Spain. Why?

Paul: You think I alter the truth or something? I saw visions and I just go in favour with the flags. No strings attached. Gosh, I hate those nightmares of humans kicking some balls into some sort of giant fishing net. 

Question: A victory debut for you when you predict a World Cup Finals for the first time, and this time not involving the team of your country, Germany.  

Paul: Oh! Thank you, that's pretty easy. I only saw something like a yellow card, and what's weird on my vision was it was always thrown by a bald man to a group of orange shirted men. Yeah, there are some which were aimed at some black shirted ones, but then it tends to be thrown at the orange ones. And suddenly, I saw one of the yellow cards turned into a red one. That gave me an instinct for me to go to the right. What a weird dream, mate, with cards to be thrown at humans. 

Question: Let me quote this from Wikipedia about you. 

According to Sea Life's entertainment director, Daniel Fey, Paul demonstrated intelligence early in life:
There was something about the way he looked at our visitors when they came close to the tank. It was so unusual, so we tried to find out what his special talents were

Any comments, Paul?

Paul: Of course they feel weird about me. I can see through their stories and lives. My gosh, please don't mistaken me for seeing through their clothes. 

Question: Well, you know that you have 2 contenders for your predictions. Mani, a parakeet from Singapore, and Pauline, a Dutch octopus claiming to have the ability like yours. But, you already have the results going by your side. Any responses to this fact?

Paul: Haha! Wannabes. Wait! You said a Pauline? I'm interested to meet her. :) I wanna see how good her "ability" is. 

Question: You have get into trouble ever since you chose Spain over your country, Germany. And there are death threats aiming at you currently. Are you worried about it much?

Paul: I was just telling the truth. I can feel that those instinct of mine wants me to express my visions by choosing one of those containers. Gosh, some humans have problems accepting truth. 

Question: However, you have good admirers, including Spain's Prime Minister, Mr. Jose Luis Rodriguez and his cabinet members. Sounds like you'll get protection in Spain. 

Paul: Looks like their leader has favour on me. They better put me in a bigger house with more food supplies. But what if I foresee the ones in red get beaten to a pulp? Will they kill me as well? NO WAY I'MMA GONNA BE SUSHI! Kill me now if you don't want any forecast sights for the future games! 

Question: Recently, a report says that you'd been encouraging gamblers to gain the jackpot up to half a million pounds, according to a Guardian post. Any comments, Paul? 

Paul: I guess it has nothing to do with me. I just follow my instincts for food and vision. Furthermore, I don't know much about you humans, except on the fact that you guys love kicking balls into that giant net. 

Question: Your psychic gift - To you, is it a blessing or a curse?

Paul: I think it's a curse. It's a blessing if I can make a living out of it. Perhaps I would have more better food, a larger house, or even a hot mate to breed with. But instead of luxury, I was threatened by death! C'mon! I'm just telling the truth, even if it's wrong. 

Question: Last but not least, can we give you a challenge? Here we provide you with 50 mini containers, each representing a country in Europe, and what we want you to do is to pick out a country which you think will win the EURO 2012 cup. 

Paul: (Looks at the containers, trembling......) God damn, this is so hard. 


k0k s3n w4i said...

the last part totally made it for me. personally, it's not inconceivable for a squid to get it all right... it's a 50-50 chance anyway every time. personally, i think a clever hans phenomenon thing is going on here :)

ken said...

haha.. 50 mini containers! 2% chance of getting it right! lols..

anyway, nice made up interview.. haha.. paul is legendary =P

Victor Tan said...

Kok: Even if you arrange the 2 flags different, how are you going to explain the 100% accuracy of it, still? Not even humans can do it, even if you're a good analyzer in football.

Ken: Paul is the LEGEND xD I guess it may choose Spain. hahahaha

Lukey Cher Hong said...

haha pity poor paul... i guess people will be looking up to him as a 4D god now.. nice interview though :p

MsXeRoZ Nicole said...

LOL~!!!! very imaginative eh!

The Blogger (63672674) [meoramri] said...

Hi fellow innit member.Supporting your blog.


Victor Tan said...

meomamri: thank you.

MsXeroz: haha, I suddenly thought of this after the Octopus predicted Spain and Germany to win the last matches.

Suzanne said...

Nice... lol.

Anonymous said...