Peterpan's "Kota Mati" and OneRepublic's "Stop and Stare" told me a message of my past and my future. While staring at the lyrics, suddenly I felt something that is tingling my mind - it discusses about what should I do for my future.
Maybe from next year onwards, whenever there's a sem break, I will not return to Tawau except for Chinese New Year purposes. Now, I understand why everytime I felt very depressed whenever I return to KL. It's not that I'm homesick, it's because I'm "caged" in my home, not allowed to be outgoing.
Most of my friends will be leaving this place as we are currently in our degree levels. The youngest friends of mine are currently finishing their SPM exams this year. After that, all of them will be studying in another place. Elaine, I know you'll be going for NS training, but after that come larr West Malaysia study when you got scholarship, kay? :) It's safe as long you don't go out too often.
And as everybody leaves the town for their new chapter of their lives, Tawau will slowly function lesser to them. It will slowly become our down memory lane and a venue for reunion.
If I'm continuing my semester routine, I will not only rot here, I will be constantly being prohibited into doing many stuffs that I wish to do. I'm not allowed to drive, doing direct selling business, going out with friends, going photoshooting with them, or even asking out friends for outing. It heavily affects my social life, you see? YES, it is wise to choose your friends, but it doesn't mean that you cannot be sociable. I tend to draw a line to everyone depending who they are, okay?
I felt that my family institution will keep on pushing me backwards if I continue on this routine of returning back. I mean, what's life when you are not allowed to do a lot of stuffs?
Here, I would like to thank one of my church members who spoke behalf of me. He said, "Education, though being vital to the society as people will judge you with your degree or whatnot, is a subjective matter". You cannot focus too much on your studies, you have to know what you want to do to live your life to the fullest.
I have two more years and I'm expected to put study first? Yes, while I'll be chasing on assignments, I want to know what I want to do. Parents, I want to thank you for your monetary support on me, but please don't be one of my obstacles to find my identity.